"Naergon of Hammer,we have reviewed your actions in the Enedwaith village and alleged crimes that you were believed to commit.We have not found plausible evidence that you had an effective hand in such crimes and therefore acquitted you. you shall return to your duties as a warrior of the Order of Hammer"
Anglachelm of Vanimar
Naergon felt unbelievably relieved. He analyzed himself: he felt the same type of sick and shame like for going into the lair of wolfs and killing days-old pups and mothers that try to defend them, something alien but fragile and delicate that you feel it could not harm you and deserves being left to live. Was it all of use? Veryacano at least, like Naergon, seemed to consider it was not, but the commander seemed more bothered of how "not honorable" was to kill ..pups.Of any race. Naergon himself did not think kidnapping and torturing farmers for answers a lot more honorable, but he swallowed his resentiment then because it seemed the only way. He steeled himself against such since he took the black of the Hammer. This time it made him sick that they lowered to such despicable deed for something so useless, for Naergon had no doubt they stopped no story from spreading but in fact added to it dark pages worthy of revenge. Then why was he so relieved? He realized how much the Hammer meant to him, how much he needed the camaraderie and the approval of his fellows. What he feared most before hearing his sentence was that they would all three be banished. It was the punishment he would have given. And then..perhaps Nirhen and Estarfin would have stand together even he noticed animosity between them, but Nargon was the one who tried to oppose them and in the end caused the punishment by telling of their deed. Naergon would have been again alone with no purpose and no place to go, on either shore of the sea.
So, especially after hearing their easy sentences, he would have hug them all.. Daegond, who defended them more or less to their approval, who was one of the three voices that rose to vouch for him when he took his oath before the Hammer Lord, Estarfin who seemed so balanced and full of confidence in his justice, Nirhen who paid the biggest price of them three even if cheap compared to what Naergon expected for their crime. He would have laugh and embrace them, and buy Daegond a greatly cooked turkey and Nirhen a gorgeous dress to replace the black hauberk she lost, even he had a strong feeling the lady would rather use it as quality cloth to clean her sword. He felt much at ease, as if his guilt weighted less if the rest considered it.. acceptable. He had the strength to dismiss now the face of that women who put her baby in his care with a trust he broke so fully and horribly and replace it with shining black hauberks and smiling faces. Daegond cheered when he was acquitted. Naergon never liked Daegond much before but at that moment he loved him like a brother. Someone was happy Naergon was considered innocent, and he wanted so much to consider himself if not innocent at least honorable again.
He talked more with the rest than he did ever since that expedition. Parnard, Laurelindo, Daegond, Estarfin, Nirhen.. It was like a dark cloud dispersed into a thin mist. It was there but it was bearable. They joked. They even joked about the.. incident. The guilt was bearable diminished by their laugh. Naergon's inner self was searching comfort: "You had no choice". Estarfin smiling and patting Daegond's shoulder in congratulations. Laurelindo smiling to Estarfin: Laurelindo says, 'You have more friends than you believe, lord Estarfin.' Estarfin's words 'I am surprised at the verdict Laurelindo. I expected the judgment to be against me.What message are we to take from this trial? That our actions were justified? I knew that already.'And if we do our duty again? Will we have to go through this once more?' Laurelindo dismissed it politely: 'That whole affair was just a chain of bad decisions. I hope it will not happen again.' Naergon nods: 'It was madness.. all of it. May we not be forced to take the same decisions again..' Estarfin shakes his head: 'Perhaps now you can see that what we did was needed. The House has sanctioned our actions after all.' Naergon shook his head as to disperse a bad dream, not at peace with how needed the action was: 'I... I am glad we were not sent away, banished.' Estarfi's voice is that of experience and wisdom: 'Harden your heart against further doubts my friend.' Naergon bows deeply before the aged Hammer 'Perhaps you are right'. To his surprise Estarfin bows in answer before they part ways.
Without forgetting about the cold turkey Naergon went towards the kitchens and saw Nirhen already changed into a simple armor, as black as the hauberk that was taken from her. He felt the need to comfort her, as she alone got the punishment Naergon feared for himself: she was not to be a Hammer again, she lost a dear home and faced exile, even for a shorter than expected time. He approached her unsure what to say, then said it all fast, so she would not interrupt him like always : "You look ready to travel. Suits you well too. I.. am sorry for my role in all of this'. Nirhen had her usual disturbed tone: " You ? Why?" Naergon tries to look in her eyes: 'I think you made a mistake then but.. you did what you thought it was the thing to do.. and I did the same. And I respect that. Along with all that you did, with great skill, on our road'. The anger and scorn of Nirhen's eyes seems to burn less than usual:Nirhen says, 'Naergon... we did make a mistake. We should never have involved you in any of this.I regret that. And the pain it has caused you. I misunderstood the situation, and that was my fault, not yours.' Naergon rises shoulders, and talks after a long gap as only to fill the silence:'Who is now to say.. our lords told their say in the matter' Nirhen adds, to his surprise: 'Don't bear this forever. You have seen what that can do.' Then she grins, back her usual self. Naergon frowns:
"I saw. In many in the Hammer. I knew what I enroll to, Nirhen. Anyway.. you will be an asset to them on the road be it to find a safe shelter or if it comes to fight. I am glad none of us was banished from Vaimar forever.. I expected that."
Nirhen seems her usual defiant self when answering 'We returned in triumph, didn't we? We found your Lord, and here he is, safe and sound. They would not banish you for that.' Naergon retains from deepening the wound and keeps to himself the "They did banish you!" at the last moment, and lets her mutter some more on her new task. She seems defiant and unpleasant as ever, but somehow he feels deep sufferance under it, but after being wrong on so many things Naergon dismisses the thought. He wishes her safe travels and only when already steps away he hears her add: "Remember what I said", and he knows it is about what guilt and memories can do and it was out of own self experience.
The smells in the kitchen were delightful for a first time in months, and some cook even patted his shoulder and congratulated Naergon on being aquited. News traveled fast. He ordered a whole turkey for Daegond and had it delivered to his rooms, Naergon had no exact idea where the Hound lived but it did not seem to bother the cook so Naergon took it off his mind how the gift would be delivered. Over a warm dinner and a -too big- cup of wine Naergon remembered a strange fragment of the low voice talk between Estarfin and Nirhen, while the Lord Anglachelm and his council were deliberating: Estarfin muttered to Nirhen in Quenya: "Why do you claim you lead the raid? It makes little difference now it would seem". Nirhen muttered under her breath 'What does it matter now? You agreed not to contradict me...'. Estarfin shrugged "It seems pointless to change minor details, that is all. I will not contradict you, if I am not asked directly". Nirhen really seemed to do all in her power to be as impossible and unpleasant as she could be, gather all blame, and almost no one tried to defend her, and when Naergon tried to get her some defense for the selfless and efficient contribution she had to the Search -even after being banished by Veryacano- she interrupted him with a kick that was still painful. Of all the accused the maiden was surely the most crazy, even no one but Naergon seemed to believe that.
