As strong as I want to be, I never seem to be strong enough ...
The rhythmic movement of the caravan wagon's wheels lulled Zandrianna's mind as they traveled down the road towards the Shire. Looking over at Althessia, she smiled to see that the babe seemed to be looking around intently, staring at the boxes of goods that were stacked near one end of the wagon and Zandrianna's eyes followed her gaze. Leathers, cloths, and other supplies were being carted from Bree to the elven town of Duillond, presumably to be turned into clothes for the elves living in the area.
She thought herself fortunate that the caravan master had agreed to let her and her child travel with them, though he had hardly seemed to mind once she told him what she was willing to pay. And, she mused, it seemed that the little Althessia had a way of softening even the toughest heart, for the older man's features had creased in a smile upon seeing her. He'd even made sure they were in the most comfortable of the wagons; that was to say the one that bounced the least and seemed to be in the best repair. Zandrianna couldn't say she minded that at all. Her trip from Rohan to Bree had been in some rather uncomfortable wagons, and she idly rubbed her lower back as she recalled the jarring sensations.
She turned her mind briefly to her conversation with Rastellion the eve before. As always, he had seen more than she cared for anyone to know, though she should have known better as he was one of her dearest friends and rather astute.
"I have to get out of Bree Rastellion! I need to think ... I need to .. need to get away before I suffocate. I'd been wanting to take Althessia to Ered Luin since we came back."
"Zan... you can't! Ana's only just left." He steps forward and takes her hand. "I can tell you're a little overwhelmed right now but ... but shouldn't that wait until Ana gets back? He's counting on us." Rastellion frowns at her in worry.
Zandrianna squeezes his hand. "If only it were just the job Rastellion. And that's bad enough, but being a mother, raising Althessia alone ... waiting for any word from Komatsu ... and ... " She brushes at her eyes with her free hand. "I have to go, I have to clear my mind. As strong as I want to be, I never seem to be strong enough."
"I think you do a tremendous job. And you even help out the less fortunate - Imma, Veth. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for!"
"No I'm not Rastellion ..."
Sighing to herself, she looked out the back of the wagon, watching the landscape go by. Soon they'd be in the Shire, where the caravan master had said there would be a short break before they continued on. After having shown Rastellion the paperwork involved in running the association, he had pointed out to her several contacts in Ered Luin she should probably go see, mentioning how Anadryt had lately been distracted with his new wife. Looking, she couldn't help but agree that a visit to the suppliers in Duillond and Celondim were in order. Writing their names down on her list, she hugged her friend and bid him good eve, taking herself to sleep early so she could leave at first light.
The journey had begun. And turning to her baby, she smiled as she thought that no matter what else, she'd make the most of the trip ...
