It was late afternoon, the sunlight forming swirls of pattern along the floor of the bedroom – the room she'd not thought to see again for a long time. Pulling her clothes out of her bag, she shook them out, setting everything aside to take down to the water and wash later. As she worked, she hummed a tune to herself as she thought back on the past few weeks.
She'd been studying in the meadhall of Harwick, her nose in a book, when she'd heard her name called. “Lady Desiare?” it had asked, a deep, resonant voice. Turning her head, she looked up at the man and nodded. “I am Lady Desiare,” she said, both baffled and curious as he didn't appear to be one of the town's guards or citizens. In fact, with his dark hair and intense grey eyes, he didn't look like any of her people at all.
He bowed to her and introduced himself. “I am Sir Klauss, and I've been sent by your mother to bring you this letter ...”
'The letter,' Desiare thought with a wry smile, as she pulled it out of her bag. Zandrianna had been so worried for her that she had felt the need to send someone to personally see her. Shaking her head, she set the letter aside as she continued to go through her bags, pulling out various small pouches which contained seeds, leaves and flower petals. The seeds, for Immalaine, who loved to garden as much as she did. The leaves and petals were for Zandrianna to study, some of them having medicinal value. Rubbing her finger against one of the pouches, Desiare's thoughts drifted once more.
It had taken Sir Klauss several days, but he'd finally convinced Desiare to return to Bree. He had watched the young blonde tirelessly, always polite, always courteous. He pointed out to her that she couldn't help anyone if she was too tired, and that she needed rest. Slowly he'd worn away at her resolve to remain and do what she could, the exhaustion from constant studies overtaking her stubborn determination.
They had taken the well traveled roads, Klauss ever vigilant in watching the area, taking his duty to protect Desiare seriously though, even by his own admission, she seemed to have become quite capable of taking care of herself. In Stangard, she was welcomed warmly by the thane, who secured her a place to stay for the night. They had not lingered there long, but moved on again after a pair of days, traveling up the great river towards the elven kingdom of Lorien. Desiare, having barely noticed the area on her way to Rohan, was fascinated by everything around her, the vineyards giving her much to think on as she assisted them in harvesting grapes for wine.
Shaking her head, she returned to the present and looked down at the small flask she'd received from one of the elves. In it contained just enough of the elven wine for two glasses, and she held it up to the light to study the intricate metalwork. Nodding her head, she opened her wardrobe and set the flask on the top shelf, safe and secure. 'One day,' she thought to herself, 'I'll have a reason to open that.' Bending down to stretch, still sore for the long rides, her eye caught a glimpse of a particular pouch, the flower inside unusually fragrant, and she opened it as she thought of the large elven city Klauss had taken her to see …
Desiare's eyes had been wide as she looked up at the elven city – the large trees and the platforms upon which the elves lived and conducted their business and their lives. Equal parts awe and terror had filled her eyes for most of the stay. The city, indeed, was beautiful, everything intricate and delicate looking, but sturdy and withstanding many generations of man. But – the platforms … Desiare's heart pounded with fear every time she had to climb up one, and looking down made her feel dizzy and nauseous. She was always grateful when they could swiftly returned to the ground. Klauss had been ever patient with her, offering his arm for her to hold onto so she would feel more secure, hiding well the humor in his eyes at the sight of the usually brave young woman afraid of something as simple as being off the ground. Still, he was gentle about it and she didn't notice if his eyes twinkled with laughter or his mouth turned up in a smirk.
He'd taken her to see the gardens of the white lady, Galadriel, being one of his favorite spots in the city. Desiare had been enthralled with the beauty of the garden, and the variety of flowers and plants there. For a day, she did nothing but wander through, smelling flowers, studying leaves, listening to the birds and small animals as they moved about. From the ground, she had picked up a rather large and fragrant bloom, one that had fallen from its bush. Carefully she had wrapped it in the pouch, wishing to keep the fragrance a while longer.
Smiling to herself, she placed the small pouch beneath a pillow on her bed so she could smell it each night as she went to sleep, before rubbing her eyes and returning to her unpacking. The bag, mostly empty now, was much lighter and easier to lift and she picked it up to turn it over on her bed. The movement caused a tiny clink sound, causing her to pause and reach into the bag, pulling out a small, gold band, set with deep red garnets. Bringing it the the fire, she lifted it to the light, watching the stones of her mother's wedding band sparkle, as she thought of the woman she could barely remember, her mind drifting between the vague memory and the much clearer one of her stay in Gwingris.
They had ridden hard for days, arriving at the elven outpost of Gwingris late in the afternoon. Desiare had been sore from being on horseback much of the time but, as a rohirrim, she had kept her mouth closed and accepted the fact stoically. Still, she was glad to be on the ground and walking, stretching muscles that had grown tired from the constant motion of being in the saddle. Together with Klauss, they went in seek of some shelter for the night.
They came across a camp full of tents, several unoccupied, and Desiare looked them over before talking to one of the people at the camp who indicated that she could use it to rest and change if she chose. Thanking them, she watched as Klauss picked a much smaller tent nearby and shook her head. He seemed to insist upon guarding her, even in the well fortified campground and knowing she could do nothing to change his mind, she simply smiled and sat down at the campfire. He left for a short while, returning after having cleaned up and changed out of his armour. She debated going down to the river for a bath herself. However, after looking, she realized how far away it was. Klauss told her to sit and wait, soon returning with several buckets of water that he then proceeded to warm at the campfire for her to wash up. As she had looked in her bag for her brush, she'd come across her mother's ring, the vague memory of the woman who'd given birth to her drifting in her memory as she contemplated the band her father had given to her.
Her sleep that night had been filled with the ghosts of her childhood; the gentle, sweet smile, the sounds of laughter, the sweet and gentle voice of a woman chasing along the edge of her subconscious. And even in her sleep, Desiare instinctively longed for the person that she would never truly know. She awoke, dried tears on her cheeks, not knowing she had cried but only feeling the dull throb behind her eyes as she opened them.
They had departed that day, determined to push on and make Rivendell by evening. Despite the growing soreness in Desiare's legs, she set her mind to going and enjoying the trip, smiling as she left her steed to race along the path. They had arrived, just as the sunset, and she looked down into the valley of the refuge the elves named 'Imladris', her eyes tired but happy to see the familiar place.
Coming out of her thoughts, Desiare looked around, making her way to a small dresser where she gently placed the ring. Looking down at it, she ran the tip of her finger across the stones, and smiled. Had she bothered to look up at her reflection in the mirror at that moment, she would have seen that the smile was hauntingly familiar – one she had seen in her dreams the night before. But she did not, instead heading back to her bed to turn the bag over and dump it out of the few possessions left in it. Something stuck in the back and furrowing her brow, she reached in to tug it loose. Looking at what she had in her hand, she smiled at the small book she had borrowed from the library of Elrond, lord of Rivendell.
The stay in Rivendell had been pleasant and peaceful, Desiare spending much time in the library, scouring the tomes for ones in the common tongue that she could read, coming across a small book of herbs and flowers that seemed particularly interesting. She'd gone through it, her eyes intent on the wealth of information that the pages contained and, when Klauss returned to find her there, she had been reluctant to put the book away. However, she did, and they went for a stroll around the refuge.
They had spoken about many things as they walked and sat together. War and people, honor and justice. Sitting in the cool grasses of a quiet area, they'd gone back and forth about these subjects, each having their own view on the matters – his from the perspective of a warrior and defender, hers from that of a healer. They didn't exactly agree, but each conceded that the other had made valid points. After some time, they returned to the house to retire for the evening.
In the morning, they packed once more and making ready, they set off from the valley to head towards Bree – towards home.
Zandrianna entered the house, looking around. She'd heard the rumors in town, but she'd come to see for herself. Hearing the sounds of humming coming from the back room, she wandered towards it as a smile crossed her face. Standing in the doorway, she tilted her head and smiled, watching the young blonde unpacking. "Hello Desiare," she said.
St the sound of the voice, Desiare's head jerks up, momentarily shocked to hear someone else in the house. "Mother!" she said, racing over to hug Zandrianna. "I wasn't expecting you so soon!"
Opening her arms, Zandrianna grabbed her into a long hug. "Did you think I wouldn't hear about your return? I came as soon as I heard the first whispers, to find out if it were true." Holding Desiare by the shoulders, Zandrianna leaned back to take a long look at her. "You look well, though tired. You've been away far too long." Desiare sighed, looking back with a smile. "Zandrianna, when will you stop treating me like a child? I am a grown woman now," she said, though the fondness for her friend and mother-figure fills her voice. Zandrianna shook her head. "When will you realize that, no matter how old you are, I will always think of you as my daughter and worry about you?" she replied, a lopsided grin on her face, Desiare turned and heads to the pantry to grab a bottle of red wine and two glasses. "How have you been Zandrianna?"
"Now, I should be asking you that," Zandrianna replied, turning in time to see Desiare hand down a glass of wine. She smiled her thanks, taking a sip and then hold the glass against her collarbone. "You hardly bothered to write, I had to find out from others what little I could." Desiare looked back to her room, deciding the rest of her unpacking could wait, before sitting down next to her. "I've been well. I spent much time in Harwick, studying everything I could find about the area, talking to the guards about the strange happenings in the mark. It was ... quite enlightening." she said, taking a sip of her own wine. "I've heard stories from Rohan, tis most worrisome that Theoden King seems complacent lately." Zandrianna nods her head before turning to Desiare. "You left right before the baby was born. You'll have to come by and see her sometime."
With a grin, Desiare looked at Zandrianna. "That's wonderful?? And you know I'll come by as soon as I can, I can't wait to meet her. What of Komatsu though? Have you had any word from him?" Zandrianna takes a deep breath, blowing it out again. "For the longest time I didn't. I waited, I watched the mail. I watched for signs of him. Then ..." Zandrianna pauses, not sure how to continue. Desiare furrowed her brow, watching her usually composed face fill with confusion. "Zandrianna, what is it? she asked."I met a man at the Pony. Anadryt introduced him to me, before he and Rhianonn left for Rohan. His name is Cenwynne, and he's a sweet, gentle, caring man. He ... I fell for him Desiare. It was wrong of me, but I did. But I love Komatsu dearly, and seeing my worry over not hearing from him ... Cen went on a trip to find him. He took Caithrin with him." Desiare's eyes grew wide as she listened. "You?? I ... I'm not sure what to say Zandrianna." Putting her glass down, she moves closer, wrapping her arms around Zandrianna in a hug. "You said they went looking for him? How long ago? Any word from them?"
Zandrianna leaned against Desiare, composing herself. "I did, and it wasn't the news I was expecting, nor was it anything about Komatsu at all! It seems that Caithrin has taken ill on the trip, gravely so. I sent a messenger back to Cenwynne, telling him to bring her home. That this mission is not worth her life." She turned to Desiare, "What I didn't mention, was the fact that after they left from the trip, I received a letter from Komatsu. Who knows how long ago it was written, or where from even. But he wrote! I was a fool, Desiare,, to think that he would simply abandon Althessia and myself." Zandrianna began crying, her face pressed into Desiare's shoulder.
Holding her mother tightly, Desiare stroked her red-gold hair. "Zandrianna, you are the most collected and together person I know, as well as being the most caring and generous. It is no surprise that you would love anyone at all. But," she leaned back, wiping her eyes, "I know that whatever happened, or will happen, you'll always do what's right in the end. I have faith in that" Zandrianna looks up at the ceiling, biting her lip. "Even if what happens means that I hurt a kind and gentle man? I never intended that Desiare. It is the last thing I ever want to do. But he'll return to Bree, and then I must tell him. I'm afraid to see his face when I do. But I would not have any other tell him." She turned back to Desiare, her eyes red from crying. "No, I caused this and somehow, I will make it right again."
A flash of frustration entered Desiare's eyes, as she stood up and began pacing the floor. "Zandrianna, it's not for you to make everything right. You've only to take care of yourself and the baby, and whatever else may be, those around you will help each other and you ... or they won't. I, too, feel badly that this man may be hurt. But it is better to do it sooner. And I know you've already thought of that too. Dependable Zandrianna, thinking of all the details, looking at the problem from every angle." she looks back at her mother. "It's time for you to let others help."
Zandrianna stared at Desiare for a moment, before letting out a melodious laugh, throwing her head back. "Dear Desiare, you sound so much more grown up than when you left. When did this happen?" she teased. Desiare's face wears an exasperated expression. "I've been trying to tell you that for some time! But," she added, chuckling to herself, "It did have to happen sometime. The months I spent in Harwick studying did me well. I was able to clear my head, see my father ... think on things."
"And dare I ask what things you thought on? What of him?" she asked, looking pointedly up at Desiare now. Turning to stare at the fire, knowing well whom Zandrianna spoke about, Desiare thought about her words. "I ... I ..." she stuttered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I have to accept that he is ... he doesn't ..." Shaking her head, she brushes her blonde hair from her face violently, her turquoise eyes filled with pain. "I will just have to forget him. Forget I ever met him. It's better that way." Zandrianna watched her face and sighed, standing to wrap her arms around her daughter now. "Some things can't be forgotten. Nor should they be. You never learn that way, by forgetting the past. All you can do is not make the same mistakes again." She leans against her as if to provide her strength.
With a deep breath, Desiare straightened up. "You're right, of course. And if I find something to keep myself busy, I'll not have time to dwell on things overmuch." she says. Turning she scooped up the two glasses, going to refill them as she watched Zandrianna settle back down in front of the fire.
"I do thank you for one thing." Zandrianna looked up. "Oh? And what's that?" she asked. "You picked the right person to come find me in Rohan. Sir Klauss has been nothing but a gentleman. I've had nothing to fear from him, unlike many of the men I've met in Bree, or even on my trip."
"I thought as much. Rhianonn thought so as well, for she spoke with him and convinced him to go. And I'm glad he's exactly as she said he would be." Zandrianna tilted her head and looks at Desiare, her eyes seeing what few would and hearing what even fewer would catch. "You're afraid of men now, aren't you?" She paused, her hand in the middle of handing Zandrianna her glass of wine. "I .... I wouldn't say I'm afraid. But I've learned to be wary. Not trust them, nor anything they might say. And that is better too." she said with a nod, straightening up as her mother takes her glass, drinking deeply from her own. "Never again will I be fooled by pretty words from handsome men. They all lie."
"Desiare, that is not true! Not all men lie or ...."
"Yes! They do! Haven't I had enough experience to know this is true? Haven't I been through enough to see their deceit? You were lucky, Zandrianna, that Komatsu was almost always honest with you, but even he hid things from you. So, no ... I don't trust them, and I don't believe them!"
Studying the pattern of the ceiling, she dug into her mind, looking for some bit of wisdom or council for the cynical blonde pacing the floor once more. Finding none, feeling in some small way that Desiare was even right, she closed her eyes. "I cannot change your mind on this. It's something you'll have to work through for yourself. But that is neither here nor there. Come, sit down. I am glad you're home. I've much to discuss with you. I just had a meeting last night, to secure a trade agreement with a man. And ... I believe I might have that something you're looking for to keep busy."
Lifting her eyebrow, Desiare turned and studied Zandrianna's face, the frustration in her eyes slowly replaced with curiosity. "Oh?" she said, sitting down. "I'm listening ..."
