It's been some time since I picked you up, journal. Don't be cross at me, I'm always busy with work. I cook from dawn to dusk for the company. I don't mind so much as I get breaks in between and my nights are free. I suppose I'm getting what I deserve, I through a fuss when Basaran hired a baker, taking offense that he did not like my bread but it was true, I needed help. She quit only after a week, even after I made my peace with her by helping her not get robbed blind by a local merchant. Perhaps she found some man to sweep her off her feet and pay for everything so she doesn't have to work. Or maybe she wandered off a cliff, who knows? I just know it's back to the grind without much help and I'm kicking myself for being a brat. The seasons are changing and I think it's time for me to adjust the menu so I'll be working on that. Fresh spring produce is gone and the summer berries and greens are coming to an end. I will miss strawberries though the jars of preserves will have to sate me until next summer.
Gorlen and I are living in our new house, my brother Corrben having lent us the money for it. I want to pay him back quickly, more for Gorlen's sake than anyone else. I know he hates living under that shadow, he's got his pride. He's also been very restless lately and rather moody. Contracts have been slow in coming and sometimes he misses a chance because he's off either at the tavern or doing other things. He has an idea about pipeweed, selling good Shire weed he can buy from a hobbit he befriended. I think it is a fine idea. Because of the increase in banditry, there is less and less goods coming out of the Shire, everything is expensive or cannot be had. If he can get the pipeweed, he could make coin hand over fist with the demand. I suggested he try even the outlying areas where people might have even more trouble obtaining luxury goods and would be willing to pay a top price. He seems to run hot and cold about the idea, one moment eager to try it and earn a living and the next he worries about becoming some fat merchant on a silk cushion with concubines. It makes me wonder what sort of merchant lords they have up in Laketown. No one gets that wealthy here.
For myself, I'm trying my hand at brewing. I took some instruction from a book I found in the Shire when I went with Gorlen and his client, Bligger. Between that and some helpful hints of the tavern owner at the Green Dragon, I think I can manage my first batch by the end of the month. I'm excited, if it's good I can sell it in the small casks. If not to the Pony then maybe the Comb and Wattle, or to some neighborhood pubs. Anything really, at least I hope to make my money back from what I invested in material with the first batch.
Gram is still with us, though the farm house is nearly ready. She's anxious to get back and though I enjoy her company she understands a young couple needs their space and she still has her wits about her. She notices Gorlen's aloofness and I have to make excuses for it. I don't think he's used to having family around or even being settled in a home. When I met him he was a transient, living in the taverns or sleeping in some dry spot out on the streets. I wonder sometimes if he misses it, the freedom to roam around and leave when he wishes rather than worry about me. I know he loves me and desires me, he shows me that all the time. It doesn't change the fact the man is showing signs of boredom and being on edge. He spoke of missing the thrill of a fight and the unexpected. Perhaps domestic life is not what he really wants and the thought is troublesome that despite his love for me, he might one day walk out the door to seek adventure and never return.
It is perhaps silly but sometimes I can't help but wonder if his old lover went on adventures with him, maybe she fought at his side which is something I can't do. He talks about teaching me to use a weapon again, especially after certain events, but I still hesitate to pick up a blade. It is a useful thing to know and I don't want to be helpless. I love Gorlen and I want him to be not only happy with me but content with his life.
There is something else that weighs on my mind and that is the fate of my oldest brother, Hollace, and my parents who still have not returned. I saw the flyer for a call to arms for Trestlebridge, to defend the town after the fall of Stoneheight. Orcs they say, black beastly men that haunt childhood stories now seem a reality. I wonder if my family is alive, if they stayed or retreated to the safety of Trestlebridge. Neither Corrben or Corrinne can go, both have too much responsibility to the town and to the rebuilding of the farm. Even I would find it hard to leave my job for so long, who would cook for the Dawn if I left? The worry never leaves me for long and people are starting to notice it in my character. I was beating the life out of boiled potatoes and Eroforth took note. The more I think about it, the more I just want to up and go, take Gorlen so he can sow his need for thrills and I can settle my mind on the fate of my parents. Corrben told me to wait, that the Northdowns was no place for me but I can no longer just wait and wonder. Gorlen is capable and the two of us could slip around unnoticed more than some army. I think I will have to find a way.
